The project is complete

Since Project Williams Baby is now an actual little baby boy, we are going to resume posting on our family blog at Our Life Together.

Oliver

 It is so hard to see my baby like this. I haven't posted many full photos of him. I take photos of his tiny feet and his tiny hands and his beautiful face. But, never of his complete body. And you can see why. He's a tiny little thing. With all that stuff attached to him.

We saw him today and in the morning, they turned the suction off to his chest tube and we were hopeful this would be it. However, a few hrs later, he had air gathering outside his lung again so they had to turn the suction on again. Not the news we were looking for but I am glad they caught it fast. The plan moving forward is to let the lung heal for another 48 hrs. Then, try turning the suction off again.

His lung just needs time to heal. I am repeating that to myself over and over again. It's so damn hard though. I want him home. The mother in me wants to just grab him out of that plastic bed he's in and run home. But, the smart woman inside me knows staying there is the best for him for now.

Thank you to everyone who's kept us in their thoughts and prayers. We don't return your calls or emails in a timely manner and sometimes not at all. Please know it's not intentional. We're taking each day one at a time. We appreciate you and your words even though we don't say it.

I am home

and Oliver's not. There's something unnatural about driving away from the hospital after giving birth, without my baby with me. It's not supposed to be like that. I am supposed to have him decked out in some impractical take home outfit, strapped into his car seat, maybe fussing because once again his warm bed is being exchanged for unfamiliar surroundings.

Emotionally, it was hell coming home. Intellectually, I know it's best for Oliver and me. For Oliver to stay there because he's getting a chance to fix his lung and come home healthy and able to take care of himself. For me because every time I heard a baby on my floor, I couldn't stop crying. I am happy for the parents with their happy (well crying) and healthy babies but it just makes me realize what I am missing.

With every X-ray, he seems to take 2 steps forward and 1 back. But, as Jeff pointed out, that's still 1 step forward each time so I need to focus on that. Today, he started taking pumped milk. Every 3 hrs, 10cc, which is great. Yesterday, he was getting his nutrition via IV only. They tried clamping his chest tube today but he started getting some more air leaking out of the lung so they took the clamp off again. As long as the air keeps getting drained out, the hole has a chance of healing itself. Tomorrow morning brings a brand new day, a brand new X-ray at 7 a.m. and brand new hope in my heart for some more steps forward.


Look at our foreheads. Thankfully, I can see some of me in him now. I can easily see Jeff in his lips, chin, eyebrows. I think the nose, ears and forehead might be mine. Like my sister-in-law commented about her newborn son, "I carried him for 9 months, he could show me something about me in him!" He is absolutely adorable though. I didn't want to say this before but now that my parents and sister have confirmed it too, I will state it for the whole world. Oliver is a 100 times better looking in person than in photos :-P. There, it's out there. So, all y'all don't go by what you see, wait till you see him in person.

Oliver Gary Williams

So, as almost everyone knows, I had a c-section planed for 11/11, only 4 days before my due date because Oliver was breech the entire pregnancy, and with an anterior placenta and scar tissue from previous surgeries, my OB did not feel comfortable trying any versions.

On the 6th, we were headed to a friend's surprise birthday party. During the day, I was having some contractions and I kept thinking they were uncomfortable but not painful so they were probably Braxton Hicks. Jeff had downloaded an iPhone ap for timing contractions and since I thought I was never gong to use it because of the planned c, I decided to go ahead and time these contractions for the fun of it. Well, for 6 hours or so, I kept track and they were all over the place. Sometimes 7 minutes apart, sometimes 3, sometimes lasting 30 seconds, sometimes over a minute. So, when we left their house at 9:30ish, we told them we were probably going home, but we might call L&D because the contractions were getting slightly painful.

On the way home, I called my OB's answering service, got a call back from the doctor on call who told me to come in to be monitored. In the next 30 minutes, the contractions suddenly went from being slightly painful to  me screaming at Jeff that if there was any day he was allowed to speed, this was it. We made it home, grabbed our packed bags, dropped off Smokey and headed to our hospital 15 minutes away. Every contraction from that moment on was excruciating. They got me into L&D, checked me in, got me in the beautiful gown and strapped me the monitors. The doctor on call came in and did an internal. Uhhh 4 cm, 100% and -1!!! What that means to the uninitiated is that I was in active labor. On top of it, he was trying to come out butt first.

So, things moved fast after that. They prepped me for my c, rolled me into the OR at 11:09 p.m. Jeff did see Oliver being born, still butt first. Oliver Gary Williams was born on 11/7 at 12:37 a.m. weighing 5 lbs 12 oz and measuring 18.5 inches long. They told us they'd take him to the nursery and bring him back once I was sewn up and in recovery.

This is where Oliver once again deviated from the plan. I was rolled into recovery and was waiting for Oliver to be brought in. Instead, I had a NICU nurse come in and tell me that he was born with a pneumothorax, so there was air around his right lung and he would be staying in NICU that night. Jeff went to see him and came back shook up because he saw them put a needle into Oliver's chest to help drain the air. Apparently, that wasn't enough so Monday morning, they put in a chest tube. We think and the doctors confirmed that he looked a lot better today and was doing a lot better with breathing too. They're keeping an eye on it and depending on how it resolves itself, Oli could be in the NICU 1 more day or another week.

I haven't held my sweet, handsome boy yet and it's tearing me up every time I think about it. I can go up and see him and touch him but I cannot pick him up and hold him to my chest. I am hoping that day is tomorrow. Keep your hopes up for us too.

38 weeks and the return of old friends

Editted to add some missing things:

What old friends, you ask? Let me list them for you, in no particular order:

• heartburn
• waking up 6-8 times to go to the bathroom through the night
• horrible pain in my right hip and pelvic region
• nausea
• how could I have forgotten leg cramps? Despite eating a banana a day, they are back and bad as ever

Eating is so much fun again. Sarcasm fully intended. I lost 3 lbs last week because of the heartburn. No matter what I eat, once again, there's no rhyme or reason to when it might hit.

This week, Oliver's been very active. He tries to stretch his head up into my ribs, which is more weird feeling than painful. Once we saw his butt sticking out from the right side of my belly. I'm also feeling him move his arms and legs throughout the day. His hiccups are louder and bigger, making my belly move visibly. Sometimes, Jeff and I just watch the ripples and bulges on my belly.

We had some maternity photos done at the Quiet Waters Park in Annapolis. You can see some of the photos here, rest are on my Facebook and Flickr account.

So close. I have 8 working days and 10 total days left till my c-section. I am excited and petrified at the same time.  I still have days where I wonder what the hell I'm getting myself into and who the hell thought it was a good idea for me to be a mother. On the other hand, I can't wait to see Oliver, see what he looks like, actually get to hold him. Hopefully, Jeff and I won't mess him up too much and he'll grow up to be a respectable member of society someday.

Week 37

According to the ticker on the left, I passed Week 37 last Thursday, but that's because I changed that due date to reflect November 11 which is the scheduled C-section. But, I'll keep doing my belly shots according to the 11/15 due date schedule. So, here's the belly, still lopsided, enough that my belly button sits conspicuously to the left of my body's middle!

New things this week:

• The Bump has a new size, the final size for the baby, from week 37 till he's born, apparently Oliver is a watermelon! 

Baby spends these last weeks in preparation for the outside world… meaning careful refinement of the blink, suck, inhale and exhale. Meconium, which you’ll probably find in the first diaper, is accumulating in the intestines. 

• The Tarzan's Ultimate Guide to Baby Size for the daddies out there states that the baby is the size of a car motor.

• Oliver's moving around a lot more! I can feel him stretching into my ribs and moving his arms and legs. Today, he moved a lot during the movie R.E.D., so here's hoping he's as big a Bruce Willis fan as his mom.
• I got my flu shot yesterday. I get them at work every year but they didn't have any time slots I liked. So, I went to Rite Aid and got it and I'll just get reimbursed by my work.
• I find new muscles daily by the pain they cause me. Amazingly, the worst time is in the middle of the night if I get up to go to the bathroom. I think anytime I stay in one position, muscles in my hips, butt and pelvis get stuck and then when I move them, they complain.
• We have some other new news that we cannot share yet. No, I am not having twins :-P Hopefully, in a week or two, we'll be able to tell y'all.

And, though 37 weeks is considered full term, I really hope & wish he holds on till November 11th, grows more, puts on some more fat and comes out a healthy happy baby. I wouldn't wish an early labor and NICU stay on anybody else, so I hope nobody wishes it on us.

A precious gift

A friend's mom made this for Oliver. I have no words to express my gratitude and love for her and the entire family. They've been great friends to us since we moved here.

I hope Oliver appreciates and loves it as much as Smokey obviously does.

I love the airplane faces. This is even more special considering that little planes hold a special memory in Jeff and my dating beginnings. There is no way for Kathi's mom to have known that, yet it worked out so perfectly.