Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I am home

and Oliver's not. There's something unnatural about driving away from the hospital after giving birth, without my baby with me. It's not supposed to be like that. I am supposed to have him decked out in some impractical take home outfit, strapped into his car seat, maybe fussing because once again his warm bed is being exchanged for unfamiliar surroundings.

Emotionally, it was hell coming home. Intellectually, I know it's best for Oliver and me. For Oliver to stay there because he's getting a chance to fix his lung and come home healthy and able to take care of himself. For me because every time I heard a baby on my floor, I couldn't stop crying. I am happy for the parents with their happy (well crying) and healthy babies but it just makes me realize what I am missing.

With every X-ray, he seems to take 2 steps forward and 1 back. But, as Jeff pointed out, that's still 1 step forward each time so I need to focus on that. Today, he started taking pumped milk. Every 3 hrs, 10cc, which is great. Yesterday, he was getting his nutrition via IV only. They tried clamping his chest tube today but he started getting some more air leaking out of the lung so they took the clamp off again. As long as the air keeps getting drained out, the hole has a chance of healing itself. Tomorrow morning brings a brand new day, a brand new X-ray at 7 a.m. and brand new hope in my heart for some more steps forward.

Look at our foreheads. Thankfully, I can see some of me in him now. I can easily see Jeff in his lips, chin, eyebrows. I think the nose, ears and forehead might be mine. Like my sister-in-law commented about her newborn son, "I carried him for 9 months, he could show me something about me in him!" He is absolutely adorable though. I didn't want to say this before but now that my parents and sister have confirmed it too, I will state it for the whole world. Oliver is a 100 times better looking in person than in photos :-P. There, it's out there. So, all y'all don't go by what you see, wait till you see him in person.


Palwin said...

Hye!! Congrats!!! he is so shweeet!!
God Bless you & him!! Take Cre

Shanna said...

Y'all are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. If there is anything I can do for your family, let me know!