Argh, so sick and tired of my feeling going up and down. I have never been too affected by hormones, I mean usually my PMSing means I lose my temper a little easily (though my sis and Jeff would say that's normal for any time haha). But lately, it feels like my moods surprise even me. Monday was a blue day, yesterday was ok, mostly because I spent a lot of it in heartburn hell. But, I have no idea what was wrong Monday, I just could not see anything positive for after the baby's born. Our life will change, will our friends still want to hang out with us, will I lose my identity as Sylvie and as Jeff's wife and only become a "mom" to everyone?
And today, I keep wanting to cry thinking about how I can't wait to hold Oliver in my arms. I am wondering if he'll be clingy, will he be his mommy's boy? How long will he let me hug him and kiss him before he's embarrassed of his old mom? Or, will he follow his daddy everywhere, wanting to be like him and do everything he does?
Will he look like his dad (and his granddaddy since Jeff looks a lot like his dad)? What will he inherit from the Khajurias?
Will he have an interest in academia and go in for the long haul like both his grandfathers and his Aunt Jenny and get a PhD? Or, like his grandma Pooja, get a number of degrees (I lose count at 4, I think :-P) Or, will he be like his Grandma Chris or Aunt Suheir and want to heal people? Will he inherit his creativity from his aunt Kelly? Or, will he be a pioneer and do something nobody's done in the family?
Or will he inherit all the geekiness and nerdiness from his own parents and build his own computer before reaching his teens? *gasp* will he inherit the stubbornness and recklessness of youth from his parents? This is where I get the idea that I'll inject him with the same chip Smokey has so we can track him. Y'all who frown right now have no clue what Jeff and I got up to in our younger days. Scares the living crap out of me. And, the world we are living in now is in no way safer than the world we grew up in.
One moment, I feel like I am dreaming about this pregnancy and this could not be real. Next moment, I feel a slight kick under my belly button, sometimes right to the bladder, as if he's punishing me for doubting he's in there. Sometimes, I dread November and the birth and the changes it'll bring. Other times, I can't wait for the next 3 months to pass and for us and our family and friends to meet him.
I really hope this roller coaster eases up or the next 3 months are going to be so much fun for Jeff.